Now it's my new evil scheme
by Rebbeca Tennant
Summary: Its now the new year and that means new years resolutions. Doofenshmirtz wants to make sure his resolutions remain unbroken but Perry wants to know what they are first! PerryxDoofenshmirtz watch out! btw sorry its late i had some PC trouble
1. Sort of Happy New Year!

Perry slept most of that night on New Years, he didn't like staying up past midnight and to be perfectly honest the fireworks scared him. He never saw the attraction of candy colored explosions which make your ears bleed.

He decided to think about his past year instead to take his mind off the blitz outside. He supposed this year was the year of Dr Doofenshmirtz as his nemesis. He had never had a nemesis for this long and this year was...well it'll be one he would always remember. For many reasons and feelings, some he hadn't even come to terms with. All those schemes all those moments they hadn't got along even those weird awkward moments...Doofenshmirtz had always had a way of getting to Perry and...He found himself blushing and he settled back to sleep with Doofenshmirtz still on his mind.

_Beep beep beep..._

Perry blinked his eyes open and woozily clicked open his watch to see his monobrowed boss still wearing a party hat from the night before

"Good Morning Agent P, Dr Doofenshmirtz is up to his old tricks. He's been seen around the Danville area going to many community centers and gyms."

Perry crossed his eyes 'what on earth would he being doing there?'

"As these are all public places and we wish to keep the agency a SECRET agency we must ask you only to observe Doofenshmirtz until he returns to his building. Good luck agent P"

The watch closed down but then re-opened after Perry put on his hat "oh and happy New Year"

He saluted and then went off to his first mission of the New Year.

Phineas and Ferb walked in one minute later with a cart filled with robot pelicans "hey, where's Perry?"

Ferb simply shrugged.


	2. And by unexpected of course i mean

_Doofenshmirtz at the gymnasium!_

Heinz drummed his fingers on the counter waiting with several pieces of paper in his hands. Perry could only just see from the window he was hanging from.

a starched white toothed girl arrived at the counter and nearly blinded Doof with her teeth "Hi there! My name is Noel! How can I help you?!"

"You can stop shouting for a start..." winced with gritted teeth but then stood up straight pulling his lab coat forward "yes I would like a new gym account please this coupon says I get 15% off right?"

She screwed up her eyes at the tiny ripped coupon "okee dokkeee!" she squeaked making Heinz's ears ring "let me just get your card for you!"

Perry scratched his head watching Doofenshmirtz from the counter "again, Doof at a gym? That I'd like to see...in a funny way not in an improvement way" he cleared his throat putting the binoculars back up on the glass.

The girl returned with an even tinier card and beamed at him once more "ok name sir?!"

"ow...yeah its Heinz Doofenshmirtz. d-o-o-f-e-n-s-h-m-i-r-t-z" he said amazingly fast

"He has a talent of doing that" Perry thought

Noel had an even bigger grin on her face "oo-OO-oohh! your brother goes to this gym dontcha know?!"

Doofenshmirtz had a disgusted look on his face "my brother roger at this gym? Figures..."

As if on cue Roger walked through the door showing off his pecs past his sweet looking suit.

He purred at noel over the counter "heeeeeeey beautiful ready to see me do my stuff today? As it's the new year I'm sure ill be able to give you a new year treat"

He winked at Noel and the girl almost died of a giggling fit (although to Perry she looked like she was having a seizure)

Roger blinked suddenly noticing his brother across the counter trying not to look at him

"Heinz? Is that you?"

"...hey Roger" he mumbled eventually

Roger wrapped his arm around his brother's neck causing the man to choke slightly

"ack!! l-let go Roger" Heinz squeaked an octave higher "your arms squishing my oesophagus!"

Roger rapidly let go causing him to fall to the floor "oop sorry bro i guess I don't know my own strength!"

He got up dusting himself off "yeah like you don't know your own stupidity!" he mumbled under his breath

"Well I suppose this is what i get for coming here everyday!"

"Everyday?" Heinz's eye twitched for a moment

roger nodded egotistically and Heinz slouched even further "goodbye resolution number one...and number 17 'stay away from roger more'"

He ripped up the coupon and started walking outside "and goodbye roger"

Perry suddenly scampered out of sight trying not to blow his cover

"Hey wait a minute bro!" roger called after him "why did you come here anyway?"

He sighed feeling a light blush stretch over his cheeks "well if you must know BROTHER...I wanted to change my appearance for a certain someone"

Roger couldn't help but crease up laughing "for a GIRL?!" noel joined in the laughter even know she wasn't quite sure why.

Heinz just rolled his eyes and stormed out "yeah yeah I suppose you could say that..." Heinz muttered again looking at his next coupon "next up tango lessons"

Perry's eyes widened "TANGO LESSONS?!"


	3. The Masochism Tango

Perry was scaling the walls of the Danville community centre using the agency's suction cups (in other words, Monogram's old toilet plungers).

Doofenshmirtz entered the building with a spring in his step probably due to the masochism tango playing on the 3rd floor.

"Well the first resolution might not have worked out, but this ones gonna be different."

He did turn at a nearby popping sound but shrugged and Perry let out a sigh of relief.

The instructor greeted him with the helpful smile and a shake of the hand but Doofenshmirtz didn't really respond, he didn't have good people skills.

"Hi and welcome to tango lessons" he peered over Heinz's shoulder "do you have your partner with you or...?"

Doofenshmirtz looked down sheepishly "w-well my partner couldn't make it...in fact my partner doesn't even know I'm doing this!"

the instructor gave him a hard pat on the back grinning "ha-ha! Good man! The old secret romantic I see" Doofenshmirtz wasn't too sure why everyone he met with these things were so enthusiastic. he just nodded lightly blushing.

"Alright ladies and gentlemen lets pick your partners!"

Doofenshmirtz stood with the rest of the guys looking at the women in front of him. He was now beginning to regret this resolution too. All the women in front of him couldn't be younger than 60 and one of them couldn't have been less than 60 stone!

He pulled his collar "holy gimmle sh-"

"Ok we have the perfect partner for you. Her name is Katie." he brought forward a dumpy woman who looked like she had rolled her curls in sausages (smelt like it too)

Doofenshmirtz swallowed down his throw up "e-er...maybe i can get someone...shorter?"

"Shorter?"

"Yeah shorter about...yey high?" he pointed around his knee and the instructor crossed his eyes

He glanced over the room of wrinkles and found the shortest woman in the room, she only reached Doofenshmirtz's waist.

"Are you...'sure' Heinz?"

He hesitated feeling the wrinkled fingers entwine with his (much smoother) ones "yes, yes I am..."

Perry couldn't bear to watch his nemesis dance with this little prune, it was like an entirely new brand of evil.

He leapt down from the building feeling nauseous 'm-maybe i should do some research back at his lair...it's safer'

------------

The keys of the DEI PC-inator clicked as the secret agent platypus hacked into his nemesis account (despite the ridiculous word Doofalicious, it still hadn't changed after all these months)

'ok...documents...nothing there part from a few past evil scheme tips and a CV...' he kept looking 'how about internet history..?' he clicked on the link for the past week.

As he scanned down the websites he blocked a certain word for his own good

"How to know your in ****"

"Tips on how to make **** with your special someone"

"Is it ok to be in ****?"

"Evil schemes search engine: ****"

"How to keep your new years resolutions"

Perry closed the browser slowly placing his head on the desk 'dear lord what is this man up to? Is it that old lady at the centre?' he shivered at the thought

He glazed his look up to a bright purple post-it note on the computer scribbled with tiny writing. He plucked it off squinting to read it

'Number one: join a gym, number two: learn how to tango, number 3: learn how to cook for two...'

It took him a full four minutes to get through the whole list seeing 'stop putting self destruct buttons on inators' and 'shorten monologues so not to ramble' which Perry couldn't help smiling at.

But it was the last one scrawled in the corner in large print letters that he would always remember

'Number 327: TELL HIM!'

'What does he mean by that? Tell him what? And who?' questions were revolving round his head like a confused hive of bees. He clicked out of his confused state when he heard the door click open and a humming of the masochism tango from a certain doctor. Perry ducked under the desk with the post-it stuck on his duckbill.


	4. Resolutions resolved and secrets told

Doofenshmirtz walked into his lair hanging his purple parka on the hook and dropping his keys on the side "I'm never gonna get that old people smell out of my clothes..." he murmured smelling his hands in disgust

Perry shuffled back furthur trying not to get noticed but listened intently to the man's soliloquy

"I mean...it's gonna be worth it though y'know hopefully." he laid down on the sofa looking out of the window "...happy new year Perry the Platypus"

Perry stiffened 'dammit! Does he know I'm here?!'

"Wherever you may be..."

The platypus let out of a sigh of relief

"It is all for you anyway...I'm doing this all for you"

'...w-what?'

"I would've done number 3 if it wasn't for my ex taking the same class! That's just bad luck..."

Perry smirked still listening

"a-and of course number one and number 167 was a disaster..."

'Yeah I know...'

"And I'm just hoping that number 327 is...gonna be alright"

Perry swallowed the lump in his throat

"And...That we can be more than nemesis"

"g-g-g-g-grrrtt..."

Doofenshmirtz fell off the sofa "PERRY THE PLATYPUS?!"

Perry smiled as he saw his nemesis groan on the floor.

Doofenshmirtz scrambled up to his knees turning a bright cherry red "P-p-p-perry the Pl-platypus...w-when did you get here?" he blinked noticing something on Perry's beak "why do you have this?"

Perry looked down blushing lightly

Doofenshmirtz swallowed hard "...how much did you hear?"

Perry looked up with eyes that said 'more than enough'

He sighed running some fingers through his hair "geez...at least I could've done a better job of it!"

'...huh?!'

He walked over to an overflowing bin filled with crumpled up pieces of paper "I spent all last night writing a perfect...confession if you will!" he passed the bin to Perry "if you think writing an evil monologue is hard then you have no idea how hard this was"

Perry picked up a few crumpled balls as Doofenshmirtz laid his head back on the sofa blushing hard.

He un-crumpled one

_'you see Perry the Platypus, you have always been my nemesis, my first if you may...and I might just think that I might have more than I might think that I might have a slight...I'm saying I might have...'_

"I think I used the word might too much in that one..." Doofenshmirtz admitted as Perry took another piece of paper

_'Perry, I've always wanted to rule the world...or at least the tri-state-area anyway. But I've found a new evil scheme, and it's about you...you are my tri-state area and i want you under m-' _

The rest was cut off and Perry looked up at him with wide eyes and a hard blush

"UNDER MY RULE!" Doofenshmirtz squeaked blushing hard "i-i-it's supposed to say 'under my rule'...!"

Both of them looked pretty relieved. Perry looked up at him and jumped up on Doofenshmirtz chest lying down comfortably on his stomach.

Doofenshmirtz could feel his heart beating against Perry's resting body "s-s-s-so Perry t-the pl-platypus..." he stuttered stroking the mammal's fur "w-w-w-what do you say...?"

Perry looked into his nemesis deep blue eyes and blushed '...y-yeah sure' he thought nodding

Doofenshmirtz blinked in shock but then smiled lightly "g-g-g-good...great!"

Perry pecked his nemesis nose and they both blushed

"So...what now Perry the Platypus?"

Perry shrugged looking out of the window 'I really don't know...lets just see what this year brings.'


End file.
